Usual (50-100%): Necromimesis (believing oneself to be dead), growing prehensile genitalia, seeing elves with
implements of torture inside your bedroom closet, gaining the ability to resurrect any member of the Musculidae family
(various weasels). Common (10-50%): Weeping at the sight of a garage, knowing the goblins are coming to rape you,
spontaneous dwarfism, discovering Atlantis in your bed pan. Less common (1-10%): Seeing a lycanthrope when looking
into a mirror, a proclivity for the taste of antifreeze, polydactyly, the need to throw your feces into areas of heavy
traffic. Those requiring attention from your physician: constipation, dry mouth.
Matthew Lee Bainís
most recent short fiction credits include the 2001 Killer Frog Contest (1st place in short story category) and Flesh and Blood Magazine. He has also published a number of poems and is currently a column writer for Dark Moon Rising.
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story copyright by author 2002 all rights reserved