had a very worrying dream last night. It was the most
mediocre bunch of bungled imagery I could possibly have constructed. I’m
worried I am turning into a dry sponge. The very fact that it was a dream is a
cliché in itself, so fat it was with dripping drabness.
In the dream I was trying to escape Time itself in the
formulaic setting of a bank robbery. My whole mind suffered under those sad,
dingy, dire curtains ragged around the stage of melodrama. Even the title of my
dream was obese with platitude. Diamonds are Forever was what it called itself.
Straight out of a 007 carnival of nonsense. I suppose it might have been worse.
It could have called itself Diamonds are a Girl’s Best Friend. There were no
girls in it though, which in itself is worrying. The fact it gave itself a
title just about sums it up. A brief description:
I am in a bank apparently involved in some
sort of money transaction. Or, possibly the people I am with are taking care of
the business at hand and I am just along for the ride. The people I am with are
predictably distorted cardboard representations of people that really exist in
real life. They might have been my brother and his wife; they might have been
some ridiculous look-alikes from a Hollywood movie--Bonnie and Clyde types. The
young woman was certainly wearing a feather boa and the not-so-young man
(heroes were always not-so-young in those old pictures) was wearing what might
have been a plaid suit, or a woolen jacket.
The young woman is in one part of the bank, we are in the
other. We are waiting behind a man in a line for a teller. The whole place has
the gaudiness of a 1920s hotel, possibly an American replica of a Parisian
We didn’t seem to be planning to rob the place at this
Time was ticking by mercilessly.
My subconscious, at about this point in the dream, was
constricting and felt heavy on my pillow. I was asleep, but my conscious was
suffocatingly trying to get to the surface and stop this charade. Failure.
Someone, something, it might have even been
the teller himself, suddenly stopped Time.
I think this might have been where my conscious mind was
struggling to get free and bring me back to the surface of my bed. It was
certainly its best chance, its best attempt. Failure.
Time stopped around us. You know the
scenario: everyone frozen around us in
their present actions. We the only ones moving, the rest paused in mid-action.
Some with legs raised in mid-step, others open-mouthed in mid-sentence. Need I
go on? We were unsurprisingly surprised and at a loss what to do. Then someone,
something, possibly the teller himself, whispered the words, “Diamonds are
forever." This we interpreted as a sign to rob the place whilst everyone else
was in suspended animation. This must have crossed our minds a few seconds
earlier because I remember myself, or someone else, saying, “What do we do now?
We can’t, we really shouldn’t rob the place.” That’s when we were told that
those diamonds are forever.
Coincidentally, as always happens in these situations,
the whole clientele of the bank now seemed to be wearing diamonds of one sort
or another. All mounted on their bodies in different ways. The man in the line
in front of us, for example, was wearing a diamond bracelet that looked
absolutely ridiculous on him. He was also wearing other accessories of an
equally ridiculous nature.
The someone, something faceless voice that might have
been the teller wordlessly hinted that we had little time before Time began
again. We began to collect all this diamond paraphernalia from the bodies
frozen around us. I even took a jacket from someone, which might have been the
fatal mistake. I remember one big blue diamond that seemed to be attached to or
in the possession of the teller. I failed to take this. Another fatal mistake.
Time shortly began again and suddenly a cry went up as someone noticed his
jacket had seemingly disappeared into thin air. It was inexplicable that no one
seemed to notice I had the jacket in question, even though I was trying
incompetently to stuff it into a bank robber’s type hold all. The security
guard was completely mystified and didn’t even leave his bulletproof glass
cage. He was middle-aged and overweight and far from attractive, so he could be
We inconspicuously left the bank.
All the while it was running through my head what a
ridiculous non-event had taken place. Even the diamonds we had heisted seemed
As you see it was a pointless dream. The very worst kind.
Now, if we had tinkered with Time it might have been at least an acceptable
cliché. We might have realized that Time travel was actually nothing to do with
traveling backwards and forwards, but arresting Time. What you might do in
those timeless moments is a thought indeed. Think of all the things you could
get done while all the world was frozen. Would we be the only ones? Or might
there be others who were unlocked from the march of time. We might start our
own commune of timeless beings. New words would inevitably spring into the
dictionaries. For example, sex with the dead is necrophilia, but sex with those
frozen in time, what would that be? Not that I am advocating it, but it was
bound to happen, considering the essential curiosity and perversity of human
That blue diamond seemed to be the key. If we had taken
that…? It might have been the on/off button for the space-time continuum. At
least that would have created a story with a modicum of novelty. Instead I took
that blasted jacket which woke me up at 5.25am with a bad case of stomach acid.