Snow

by B E Turner

A: It is snowing.

B: Yes

A: What colour is the snow?

B: Black.

A: It's a black snow day?

B: Yes.

A: What do you know about the colour of snow?

B: I have studied at the ac-ac-academy.

A: You've read the books?

B: Yes.

A: What do they say?

B: They say that snow is black.

A: Do you see the snow?

B: No.

A: How do you know it is black?

B: I have imbibed the eminent monotonies of Professors Belcher and Wattman. I have conducted an exegamination of the factorials desiring the stricture of divers fundaments such as quantums, quacks and drakes of various colours and emotes, muons, bisons, bosuns, elephants and etcetera, omitting the construence of disorder, and under what conditions they are entwilled together in a thread of logic. I understand the mechanicals of the univalve and how the word turns.

A: You can prove all that?

B: I have a piece of paper from the offal board of professors saying that my studies are complete and by decree my ducktorial status is confirmed.

A: Is that your decree on the wall?

B: Indeed it is.

A: But I cannot read it.

B: That is because black words are printed on black paper.

A: Can you change the background to white?

B: Of course not. If I changed the black to white Professors Perlman and Pilcher would treat me with disdain.

A: That is a way of thinking.

B: So you say. Do you see the snow?

A: Yes. Outside the window.

B: What colour is the snow?

A: It is white.

B: What gives you the authority to say that?

A: I do not profess to know.

B: That is not good. You need to study the eminent exegesis of knowledge and then the snow will turn black.

A: I see.

B: Will you do that?

A: Perhaps not. It's just a matter of thought. Throw away your decree.

B: I cannot do that.

A: Why?

B: Because then the snow could be white.


B E Turner (previously known as Brian E. Turner) is a playwright, novelist and publisher living in New Zealand. His short short, "His Exegamination of Poelemtics as Addressed to the Audience," appeared in Issue #3 of The Cafe Irreal; "Three Short Plays" appeared in Issue #9; "Comedy of Art" in Issue #11; "surd person circular" in Issue #14; "A Tram Ride" in Issue #18; "The Procession" in Issue #28; and "A Thread of Embroidery" in Issue #37.