Issue #71

Grades of Dream

by Boris Glikman

All dreams that there are, ever were or ever will be can be divided into 61 categories, enumerated below:

1. Prophetic dreams
2. Non-prophetic dreams
3. Dreams that are re-enactments, permutations, metamorphoses and transmutations of real life experiences
4. Dreams that come true in reality
5. Dreams that come false in reality
6. Dreams in which reality comes true
7. Dreams in which reality comes false
8. Dreams that foretell the opposite of what actually happens
9. Happy dreams
10. Sad dreams
11. Dreams that are somebody else's and that you dreamed by mistake
12. Dreams that are somebody else's reality, so that when you wake up their Universe is destroyed
13. Dreams that make no sense
14. Dreams that make infinite sense
15. Dreams that make dream sense
16. Dreams that make reality sense
17. Dreams that make super-reality sense
18. Dreams that make supernatural sense
19. Dreams that make eternal, universal sense
20. Dreams that have no significance
21. Dreams that have significance for the dreamer only
22. Dreams that, apart from the dreamer, have significance for one other person
23. Dreams that, apart from the dreamer, have significance for more than one but less than five people
24. Dreams that, apart from the dreamer, have significance for more than five but less than ten people
25. Dreams that, apart from the dreamer, have significance for more than ten but less than one million people
26. Dreams that have significance for all of mankind
27. Dreams that have significance for the whole Earth and all of its inhabitants
28. Dreams that have significance for the whole Universe and everything in it
29. Monsoonal dreams
30. Wet dreams
31. Humid dreams
32. Damp dreams
33. Dry dreams
34. Semi-arid dreams
35. Arid dreams
36. Dreams that are forgotten by the time you wake up
37. Dreams that are forgotten within seconds of waking up
38. Dreams that are forgotten within a day
39. Dreams that are forgotten within a week
40. Dreams that stay with you for one year
41. Dreams that stay with you for your whole life
42. Dreams in which you foresee your future life
43. Dreams in which you foresee your death
44. Dreams that scare the life out of you, so that you wake up dead
45. Dreams about a stranger who passed you in the street when you were 10 years old
46. Dreams which help you to remember where you mislaid the TV remote control
47. Dreams in which the identities and appearances of your closest friend and your worst enemy are combined into one person
48. Dreams in which your deceased pet is alive again and, even though you know it is only a dream, you cannot stop yourself from taking it into your arms and hugging it, for you appreciate the opportunity that the dream has gifted you with to feel your pet's warmth and softness again and to give it your love
49. Dreams in which you dream about waking up from a dream and analysing that dream
50. Dreams in which you dream that you are back, for the first time, in your home town in your Mother Country, from which you migrated when you were still a child, back in the old flat in the apartment block you used to live in; and you go outside into the front yard where you used to play, hoping to see people from your past, although you realise that much time has passed and that they would have changed by now and grown older, and so might not be easily recognisable; but all you see are little kids playing outside who wouldn't know you and whom you wouldn't know; and so you go back to your old flat and look at the things in it, and try to recapture the magical feeling of gone childhood
51. Dreams which leave you with a nasty taste in your mouth for the rest of the day after you awake
52. Dreams which leave you with a warm, comforting feeling for the rest of the day after you awake, a feeling that you otherwise never feel in your waking life
53. Dreams from which you awake with great relief, extremely grateful that it was only a dream
54. Dreams from which you awake with great regret, extremely disappointed that it was only a dream
55. Dreams in which you hear sublimely beautiful music that you have never heard before, but after waking up, cannot write it down, for you are not a musician and do not know musical notation, and so this music is forever lost to mankind
56. Dreams in which the Truth is revealed, but it dissipates as soon as you awake and try to grab at its gossamer threads with your clumsy hands
57. Dreams in which you meet your future soul mate
58. Dreams in which you meet your future murderer
59. Dreams in which you realise the delusional quality of the dreams that you dream when you are awake
60. Dreams that are included in this classification
61. Dreams that are not included in this classification